in retrospect

ouch :(

max knew how big the biopsy needle would be but he didn't tell me earlier because he didn't want to scare me. it's HUGE.

and now my neck is sore and just checked, it's still bleeding from that tiny hole.

anyway it was scary being the patient. now i know how it feels like to have 3 pairs of eyes staring at you, and your neck. when i go back for my placement at the hospital tomorrow i will keep that in mind.

while doing the ultrasound, the SHO found more lymph nodes on the right side of my neck which i have not noticed before. i asked the consultant when he came in later, if it was normal to have that many lymph nodes, and he said it wasn't to have as many lymph nodes as i did, especially someone my age. so we went ahead did the biopsy. had a needle in for local anaesthesia and then came the big needle :( :( :( the biggest needle and stringe i've ever seen in my whole life.

owellll and because i've been at the hospital for two weeks working alongside doctors and nurses, i know what's it like when doctors don't tell patients everything. so even though the two doctors were really kind (they knew i was a medical student) and answered a lot of my queries and told me not to worry, i couldn't help but wonder if they knew/suspected what's wrong with me but just didn't want to say. but i can understand that they probably thought it was best that we wait for the biopsy results.

more waiting now.

i had actually brought my gym clothes out with me thinking i could go to the gym for a workout after my appointment at the hospital, but didn't realise how uncomfortable my neck would be after the biopsy. silly me. but im very happy cuz i had meatball sandwich at subway and treated myself to Pocky from the Asian grocery :) so my tummy is very satisfied now.

dave called to ask how my checkup went and he suspected i was very upset. i don't know whether i am upset or not actually. it's upsetting hearing that i've got more swollen lymph nodes that i hadnt been aware of around my neck and clearly that is not normal, and probably not a great sign either but i don't know, it doesn't really matter - if you know what i mean. if something bad is going to happen it's going to happen, being all upset and depressed over something i cannot control is not going to do myself any good. i just really hope maybe they will go away on their own, but perhaps that is just wishful thinking on my part.

meanwhile, i still have a life to live!

now off to.. bum around my room. ciao!